Keeping your pants on... - ...or not.

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#1
6:24 PM Aug 4 2008 2008
Grey
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Keeping your pants on...
So, being through my first year of college, experiencing the wonderfully hormonal years of my junior high and high school, and seeing the topic being brought up multiple times on the forums, I'd like to touch on something (and this will be completely from a guy's perspective):

"doing stuff"

Now, just so everyone is on the same page here, "doing stuff" pertains to anything sexual. I'm sure we can all be semi-mature about this; we aren't fifth graders being sat through health class forcing ourselves not to laugh at the mentioning of the word "penis".

Also, so we don't have to go into any graphic description, we'll go by the base rule/baseball metaphor:
1st base = kissing/making out
2nd bade = usage of the hands
3rd base = usage of the mouth
home run = sex
wild pitch = putting it in where stuff should only come out, if you catch my drift
stealing home = rape (lol jk)

The subject has been brought up multiple times here (why not? we're a bunch of lonely boys lmao) and it's kind of disturbed me how the general consensus is on the subject. When referring to "relationship problems", people just mean "how do I get into her pants?" In my eyes, that is the completely wrong way to go about it. Actually, I'm still trying to hold true to the 'wait till marriage' discipline, but I'm not one to force that ideal onto anyone else. What I have a problem with is when guys think that either 1) getting to X base is the most important aspect of getting with a girl, or 2) they've been going out for X amount of months, why won't she let him get to X base yet?

Guys. This isn't profit we're talking about. And I know that girls want to do stuff too, but seriously. Is that all a relationship is about? Before I get too preachy or make a wall of text on my opinion, I'd like to just leave it up to discussion. You don't have to tell everyone your experiences, just your thoughts on the matter. Feel free to completely counter everything I've said, too. I'm just interested to see if our generation really does have the mindset I think it does.
Last edited by Plan 9, 6:29 PM on Aug 04, 2008
#2
6:33 PM Aug 4 2008 2008
Plan 9
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Man, I've been in a relationship for 2 years and as much as I wish I had sex more often, it's really just a perk.
#3
6:34 PM Aug 4 2008 2008
mikeHAZE
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of course it's not everything in a relationship, but the majority of young males think that way. my last relationship actually ended because it just turned into two years of sex rather than actually having a close relationship. sex corrupts i guess.


but yeah, i dont see anything wrong with a fling. a **** is a **** amirite?
#4
6:36 PM Aug 4 2008 2008
Shazz
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Well I don't know if my experience counts. All the girlfriends I've had so far have been friends beforehand, so it's always been about the relationship for me. However, we run on hormones now don't we, and right now, being single, would like nothing less than to stop typing, try to catch last call and drag me home whatever i can find that have enough bases so to speak.

No but seriously, even though the pretense is "relationship", it becomes a sort of race to the finish line when you're young, fueled by society, peer pressure and the good ol' animalistic urge!

Sorry if I'm not quite clear, can't be darned to proof-read this, and I'm tired.


EDIT: Sorry for the off-topic banter, but I was pondering about society's role in this whole shindig for a while and I guess you're religious? I'm talking about the "waiting for marriage" thing. Because in essence, marriage is not the next step in a relationship, it is simply a celebration of the fact that you have already reached the last part of the relationship, and so the real reason to wait kind of eludes me, if you truly love the person you are with. But for Christians etc., marriage serves a higher purpose hence my assumption.
Last edited by Shazz, 6:43 PM on Aug 04, 2008
#5
7:33 PM Aug 4 2008 2008
QTwo
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*Pumps estrogen into this topic*

Well, let's see. I'm planning on staying a virgin for a while, and not just because doing anything with my boyfriend at this point is rather illegal. I want to wait until marriage (or at least somewhere near there) for a few somewhat obvious reasons: making sure he's the "right one," reputation, STDs (and I'm including babies in this category >____> ), age, etc.

But yeah, I've never gone into a relationship for anything physical, and that goes vice versa. For me it's just very very close friendship with more kissing. <_<

Wait for it... Waaaaaaaait for it..... YES! MUDKIP!
#6
7:35 PM Aug 4 2008 2008
guro
Friendly
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guro did something funny.

I like stealing home.
#7
8:41 PM Aug 4 2008 2008
Tc
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Quote (originally posted by guro):
I like stealing home.


from cows...

on a more serious note,

I believe that sex shouldn't be and is not the center piece of  relationships, however when most couples feel that they've reached the point in they're relationship called love, the nearest and most trustworthy way to express that is to "do it" ^_-
even though this is wrong and there hundreds of other ways to substantiate love, this way seems to be the most common..?!
Or  maybe..
Its just incredibly good or fun..
Sex is a good fun experience if you know your partner well and are safe while performing it.
for me sex nor words did the job.. and when i thought that sex might have brought us closer i found myself drifting farther away..
It took me a while to find love not the word but the action.
be safe out there peipo!~!!

-tc
reduces all creation to ash...
#8
8:57 PM Aug 4 2008 2008
1HKO
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lol
stealling home haha
ya well homeruns are better with people that are going to be you life mates. Trust me two virgins doing is so....awkward. lol. And...plus.....
real life is different once your out of high school. Peer pressure....is almost nonexistant. People just care about "them and there-own".

Relationships are the same way. Just take your time, find the person you love and go with it. As my favorite show said. "take chances, make mistakes, get messy." lol
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#9
8:59 PM Aug 4 2008 2008
Tofu Beast
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Staindgrey, I don't trust your post.

Plan 9 edited it.
#10
9:06 PM Aug 4 2008 2008
Kern
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So basically what you're saying is that guys shouldn't want only the sex part of a relationship, right?

Well, being the testosterone-bulging guys that we are... how is this not possible!? Lol. I've had "real relationships" with girls before that went beyond sexual attraction, but even then I was always thinking, "Man, I want to tap that."

I think what this comes down to is whether or not a guy's emotional attachment to a girl can somehow reduce his ultimate desire for sex. IMO, nuh-uh, it's not going to happen. If anything, it might even strengthen it. Sure, being in a relationship feels all nice and warm, but you're still going to be wanting sex from your partner. Only self-discipline can reduce that need.
Last edited by Kern, 9:09 PM on Aug 04, 2008
#11
9:09 PM Aug 4 2008 2008
1HKO
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um...most married relationships....actually increase sexual activity. trust me on this one.
You go from being attracted to everyone to only a few...to only your partner. Or at least thats just me lol
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#12
11:13 PM Aug 4 2008 2008
Pwnub
War is Over
Joined: Jun 2008

most relationships fail becaus all their is physical attraction and thats it
(i know from expericence)

most guys are in it for the sex and thats all well and good but if you actually want a good relationship your going to need a balance of personality and physical attraction to make it last
#13
11:30 PM Aug 4 2008 2008
Grey
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Quote (originally posted by 1HKO):
real life is different once your out of high school. Peer pressure....is almost nonexistant. People just care about "them and there-own".

I have to disagree. There's more pressure in college. It's not like "oh come on! try it or you're not cool!" but it's so much more present than before because of the lack of any kind of parent supervision. Also, the new trend for schools is no longer to educate youth of the dangers of sex, but rather, just teach them to wrap it. My first month at Ohio St. I got 60 free condoms- SIXTY- and I didn't even want them. Seriously.

I'm not trying to be preachy or even say sex is wrong, because it's far from it, but there comes a point where it's too much. I understand that's it's part of growing up, and everyone has their own boundaries, etc. My problem is the fact that morals have basically degraded to the point that I'm not even sure if I should save myself for marriage because I doubt whoever I find will have saved herself in the first place.

Then comes into question what is the right limit to have, what's really considered "sex" and what's not, what age/maturity/time together/what have you is right, etc. This is all personal and no one can tell you what you should or should not believe or feel. I made this topic just to find out how many people think the way I've projected onto our generation as a whole.

For instance... My roommate this past year was a bit of a player. He was a great guy, funny as hell, etc. But what irked me about him was how he really only treated girls with an amount of respect equal to his chances of getting in bed with them. He wouldn't keep a relationship for more than a few months simply because he'd get bored. My other roommate, a very intelligent and upstanding guy, admitted that all his relationships started to falter once sex got involved, yet every time he got a new girl, he did the same thing over again. He said that doing it without a true meaning behind it always felt like the most empty feeling in the world afterward.

Then, I've got more stories than I can count of people cheating on their 'partner' or whatever for sex. It's never just because they like the other person, or for a quick makeout- it's always for sex. We're driven by it; it's natural impulse. But for many, it seems to become an addiction. Plus, there's no way in hell you can convince me that it's natural for two junior highers to be practicing the 'wild pitch' (see baseball reference above). True story.

Again, I am not trying to talk down to anyone. I just want other people's thoughts. Convince me to try and get laid LOL.


PS: Tofu, Plan 9 just edited my misspelled title, nothing else. He's a good guy, I'm telling you.

PPS: Now who do you trust?
Last edited by Delphiki, 3:49 AM on Aug 06, 2008
#14
11:37 PM Aug 4 2008 2008
Pwnub
War is Over
Joined: Jun 2008

stained no one can entirely convince you to get laid if you have the correct mindset to save yourself for marrige. Its up to you to decide whether you can handle a sexual relationship with a female or you want to wait man. I live in a biiiiiig christian town and a couple of my friends want to save themselves and its all good (do i think they actually will no i do not) but its their choice to make and theirs alone.



/sarcasm
but for funsies go get drunk and have fun you wont regret it at all
Last edited by Pwnub, 11:39 PM on Aug 04, 2008
#15
11:53 PM Aug 4 2008 2008
Kern
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That's funny. I've seen so many people asking why they should NOT get laid, but this is the first time someone's asked why he SHOULD get laid.

Well, I think you've already convinced yourself to wait until marriage. My suggestion is to stick with that. Without a doubt you will meet nice and attractive girls who have saved themselves for marriage like yourself later on in life. The majority of women, however, will have thrown their morals out the window by then. So you're really just taking the narrower road, aka heroic difficulty (legendary difficulty would be abstinence). That's pretty respectable.
#16
12:05 AM Aug 5 2008 2008
Praxis
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I'm probably going to get laughed out by half the guys here, but whatever.   I myself am planning to wait until marriage.

Ignoring all of the issues it avoids (STDs, pregnancies, etc) and morality questions, learning the self control required to do so IMO saves one a lot of frustration later on.  Many of the guys around me in the world seem obsessed with finding the next woman to have sex with and can't go without it, and I just shake my head.

Quote:
When referring to "relationship problems", people just mean "how do I get into her pants?" In my eyes, that is the completely wrong way to go about it.


This is a pet peeve of mine.  ALL teenagers and young males seem to think this way.  It's setting yourself up for unhappiness if you approach the relationship from that angle.

I think I approach the universe a bit too logically for the rest of the universe sometimes though, LOL.

Quote:
My problem is the fact that morals have basically degraded to the point that I'm not even sure if I should save myself for marriage because I doubt whoever I find will have saved herself in the first place.


Consider the skyrocketing of the divorce rate...
IMHO, saving oneself means that by the time you do find someone, you and her will be mature enough to make a legitamite commitment, rather than so infatuated with each other that you rush into a marriage that you get bored of and frustated with a few years later.

BarDulL wrote: bigfoot you're terrible at smash in general, you have no idea what you're talking about 90% of the time.
Last edited by Praxis, 12:10 AM on Aug 05, 2008
#17
12:11 AM Aug 5 2008 2008
1HKO
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"I have to disagree. There's more pressure in college. It's not like "oh come on! try it or you're not cool!" but it's so much more present than before because of the lack of any kind of parent supervision. Also, the new trend for schools is no longer to educate youth of the dangers of sex, but rather, just teach them to wrap it. My first month at Ohio St. I got 60 free condoms- SIXTY- and I didn't even want them. Seriously.\"

I think this is more true in the dorms. I went from Parents house, to dorms, to my own apartments in a grand total of 6 months. The only time I felt pressured was when i lived in a group home (dorms). I love apartment living...so much easier. And if you've convinced yourself to wait until marriage thats great. Better than most I suppose. Half the guys I knew have kids now and are younger than me.... But thats Fresno for ya! lol

And cool topic. man got some great responses so far lol
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Last edited by 1HKO, 12:12 AM on Aug 05, 2008
#18
12:21 AM Aug 5 2008 2008
Kern
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Quote:
ALL teenagers and young males seem to think this way. It's setting yourself up for unhappiness if you approach the relationship from that angle.

But most young guys aren't looking for long-term relationships 90% of the time, that's the thing. We generally look for long-term when we're older and "casual encounters" when we're younger. The ones who look for long term when they're younger usually end up heart broken and become emo.
#19
12:25 AM Aug 5 2008 2008
1HKO
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young girls for that matter are not looking for long term relationships either when they are younger..at least that was the case in high school. Ive had just as many girls break up with me as Ive broken up with them. Most of the time for the same reasons. We got bored of each other in some way.
Ive even had a girl just have me for....not so good reasons.

Its a full spectrum really. Young anything is inexperienced. The key though is finding out what YOU want and finding someone that complements that. At least thats my opinion.
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#20
12:30 AM Aug 5 2008 2008
Praxis
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Quote:
But most young guys aren't looking for long-term relationships 90% of the time, that's the thing. We generally look for long-term when we're older and "casual encounters" when we're younger. The ones who look for long term when they're younger usually end up heart broken and become emo.

Yeah, which is why I mostly avoided the dating scene altogether through my teenage years.
Like I said, I approach things extremely logically, perhaps too much so, but frankly, with all of the time I would have wasted chasing girls for dead-end relationships I have accomplished a heck of a lot, so I don't really consider it a disadvantage at all.
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